The Smell of Rain.

“Aah! Love the smell of the first rains…It’s so simple yet feels so warm like the earth is hugging you…”Laila said entering the room. She tried hard to close the old umbrella but failed. She threw it behind the door. “How long have you been waiting?”

“You haven’t changed…” Said Kunal, “You still get joy in little things. I hate the smell…I ”

“Yeah.. I remember you feel as if someone put soil in your mouth…” Laila laughed.

“Times like these are so strange…They often take you on a trip to memory lane.” Kunal sipped the hot brewing coffee and looked out of the window. The droplets touching his face and wetting the papers on the table didn’t bother him.

Laila went closer to Kunal and stood beside him. “The wind feels so refreshing and wild at the same time. It messes with my hair but the moment it stops I start missing it.”

“You don’t miss him?” Kunal looked straight in Laila’s wide eyes which were looking at the dancing trees. The smile on Laila’s lips was about to fade. Her eyes were about to give up the thin tear forming but then she smiled even brighter. Her eyes glistened as she took a deep breath and looked at Kunal.

“I sometimes wish that time should stop in some beautiful moments. The moments where I feel truely alive. Moments were I forget about the world.” She went close to the window glass and wrote on the fogged glass with her finger…Vijay.

“But the times you wished did the time actually stop?” Kunal turned his back towards Laila to hide his tears. He cleared his throat. “We wished many things…But…”

“We cannot get everything! Life is a story of getting and not getting.” Laila still smiled. “Why do you hide your tears? It’s okay to cry Kunal.”

“It’s been like six years Laila…Six years since the three of us haven’t played as a band. Why is it so hard even after so many years?”

“You remember last time we played…You almost fought with Vijay for the lyrics!”

“Yeah…” Kunal finally looked at Laila and smiled, “and you slapped both of us. He stormed out of this room and went in the rain…”

“We dreamed of becoming the biggest band…” Laila absentmindedly interrupted, “If vijay was here in this reunion, the girls would have still gone crazy for him.”

“He was a show-off. That brat. He was so arrogant… Ill-behaved… mannerless. But still I miss him. Why did he take his bike that day Laila? Why didn’t we stop him? Why did I fight with him? I feel guilty Laila…It’s like a stone on my chest. It grows bigger and heavier each day.”

“The stone…I too was burdened with the stone. It got smaller and smaller once I forgave myself. It was nobody’s fault Kunal. What could have happened! We could have not faught that day. We could have not rehearsed that day. He is gone. But look! he is still with us…You asked whether the time stopped or not…It did for me Kunal. Can’t you hear us singing, fighting, laughing…Rainy days like this, our guitars, the hot tea from the canteen and this music room…”

“And the smell of the rain…”, Kunal closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Time stopped indeed”.


“There is an age for love. It’s when you are in college. Everything seems good and pleasurable. You seek for new adventure…new faces…new people in your life. And that’s when love happens. It may lead you to a beautiful reality or a dark nightmare.Not at this age…I am thirty three. Now is age for saving money, making life more secure, searching for a good decent life partner. Love never is a priority at this stage of my life.” Said Shiv holding a glass of chai in one hand and taking a puff from the cigarette held in another. He stood at one of the many tea stalls lined up outside his office. Shiv a bearded man with a peeping tummy from the bottons of his shirt was a stressed overworked IT employee.

“But what about the concept of true love? What if there is a special someone out there? What if the concept of the one is true?” Asked his friend Som. Som was Shiv’s junior in office. A non smoker with a cute face wanting to argue with Shiv on love.

“Huh…true love. A concept to misdirect the youth…tell me…who has time for this? I work my ass off here, go home freshen up, cook or order whatever the mood is and then sleep. Neither do I have the energy nor the time to get on a trip of finding my true whatever.” Shiv looked exhausted at 11 in the morning. He finished his cigarette and threw the burning butt in the drain. “One more cup…bro.” he ordered the owner of the stall.

“I think we should rush, bhaiya…” Som said looking at the clock. “It’s almost half an hour…”.

“You go…” Shiv seemed irritated. “Go butter the boss.”
Som left without any argument this time. He knew he would never win an argument with Shiv.

Shiv did the work in the office with a grumpy mood and headed home quickly after submitting his work status. He generally took a cab to his home but that day he was compelled to take the bus seeing the price hike of the cabs. The buses were generally crowded during that time of the evening due to which Shiv preferred a cab but the bus that Shiv took was quite empty. He immediately got a seat when he boarded. The bus was a very old dusty bus. With foam coming out of the seats and rust on the iron bars. He sat near a window after properly dusting the seat. He was planning of wearing the same pants to work the next day. Though the roads were good the ride to his destination was quite bumpy. He took out the earphone from his pocket, played his playlist and continued to look out of the window. The shops were closing their shutters and the people were heading back to their houses. Like Shiv the city seemed tired too.
Suddenly Shiv noticed something weird happening to his hands. His palm got sweaty and numb. He got scared for a second. Then he noticed a vein engorging in his left wrist. This time it pained a lot. It seemed like the vein was getting lifted. Shiv got even more scared. He felt a bit dizzy. He removed his wrist watch quickly, put it inside his bag and pressed his left wrist with his right hand. He waited for a moment. Then he removed his hand to have a look. It was completely normal. Shiv was relieved. He took out his water bottle and took a sip. His heart was still racing but he pacified himself thinking that all was his imagination. He knew he needed rest. “It’s alright…Shiv. Wait for the weekend. I’ll get some chilled beer and I’ll be good!” He talked to himself. The co-passengers were probably too engulfed in themselves to even notice Shiv’s weird behaviour.

After about an hour Shiv reached his apartment. It was a small apartment with one bedroom, a kitchen and a bathroom. He used to live with a roommate but about a year ago his roommate got married and left the apartment. Shiv didn’t even bother to look for a new roommate and share the rent. His company paid him enough. He was eventually loving living alone. He kept things wherever he liked, he could use the bathroom for whatever time he wanted and could sing songs aloud. There was nobody to give any objection and he could be himself. He threw his bag on the sofa, went straight to the fridge, took out a canned cold drink and switched on the A.C. He lit his cigarette and enjoyed it till the last puff in silence. He then went to freshen up…changed into his tee and bermuda, took out the stale noodles from the fridge. He heated it in the microwave and ate it with the cold drink. He finished the food in hurry, put the bowl in the sink, threw the can towards the dustbin but couldn’t aim. The remaining drink in the can spilled over the floor. He didn’t care. The maid would clean the mess the next morning.

He went to the fridge again. The door had a sticker which read ‘STAY HYDRATED’ in beautiful golden bold letters. He looked but ignored. He went for the beer he had stocked. Usually he would finish up a bottle or two but this time he couldn’t. His doctor had warned him about consuming too much alcohol. He remembered the strange hallucinations in the bus back home. He took two sips and put it back to the rack.
He went to his bed. The bed was filled with papers and books, data cables, his laptop, clothes all over the bedsheet and gritted biscuits were spread everywhere. He tutted looking at his bed. He pulled a t-shirt from the pile of clothes and dusted the bed till he was satisfied. Shiv switched the lights off, got into the bed, adjusted the pillow to a comfortable position, took out his phone and started clearing the pending mails and messages. He didn’t realise when he fell asleep.
It was midnight when suddenly his eyes opened but he couldn’t move his body. He couldn’t breathe. His chest felt heavy. He was in panic. He was frightened. He wanted to shout but his voice was not coming out. He looked above. It appeared as if a shadow of a man was peeping into his eyes. His quickly shut his eyes and tried to calm himself. Few seconds passed. He gasped as he was finally able to move. He sat on the bed thinking about the horrific experience. It was not the first time when he experienced sleep paralysis but each time it was pathetic. Shiv’s doctor had told him to sleep early, eat healthy, stay away from caffeine and excess alcohol but these things seemed in no control for Shiv. But the thing that made him more frightened was the hallucination. He had never seen a person or figure in his previous attacks. It was new. Shiv tried to get to sleep again but failed. He was too worried of another attack of sleep paralysis. Though he knew it would not harm him physically but still it was too much to handle. He slumped on the sofa in the dinning room and waited for the morning. He felt a strange weight over his body.

It was seven when he decided to get up and freshen up. He yawned all the way to the washroom. He wanted to take a day off from the office but he needed to save his holidays for his visit to his parents. He was thinking all these things when suddenly he noticed his veins on his palm engorging again. He rubbed his hand vigorously and shook his head.
“Why is it happening? Am I loosing it? These hallucinations won’t let me…” He talked to himself but stopped suddenly when he felt a tap on his shoulders from behind. He was startled and looked behind at once.

A fair and handsome young man stood behind with an anxious face. He wore a checked red shirt unbottoned over a white tee shirt and a loose brown trousers. His big spectacles seemed too old fashioned.
“Who are you? How did you come in?” Shiv asked in a strained voice.

“I came with you last night. I am Nikhil.”

“What rubbish. Don’t try to be smart mister. I am calling the police.” Shiv dashed to reach for his phone. He was really alarmed that a stranger was in his house.

“Don’t call anyone. I just need your help. Just help me once and I promise I won’t bother you again.” Nikhil almost begged.

“You mannerless brat. You enter a house without permission…no actually sneak in and have the guts to talk to me like that. I won’t spare you….just watch.”

“You can’t reach anyone now. Relax…just calm down …hear me once. I won’t harm you. I promise.”

Shiv tried dialling the emergency number but his fingers froze. He couldn’t move his thumb. His chest thumped up and down in frustration.

“Ahhhh.. what…” Shiv cried and hurled the phone to Nikhil. The phone passed through Nikhil’s body and hit the opposite wall. The screen shattered into small pieces. Shiv sat on the floor at once seeing Nikhil stand still. Shiv was calm for a moment. He felt cold.

“What…what ar..are you?” Shiv uttered.
Nikhil stepped closer to Shiv and sat down. Shiv tried to move back with each step Nikhil took. Shiv was shook to his core.
“I won’t harm you…I promise you would not see me again. I just want you to go to a place. That’s it. Please.”

“But I have to reach my office…I..”

“I just want your one hour. Nothing else. Please.”

“What do I have to do?” Shiv was too afraid to deny to what Nikhil was saying. He just wanted it to be over.

“First dress up. We will have to go to a place…you should be properly dressed” Nikhil smiled at Shiv. Shiv ran to the washroom, got a quick shower, pulled out his suit from the wardrobe and put his most expensive shoes.

“ look good.” Nikhil complimented. Shiv didn’t know how to react to that. He was still hoping that all this was his weird imagination.

“Where do we have to go?” He asked in a shaking voice.

“Hire a cab and I’ll tell you where to go.” Nikhil replied in a calm tone.

“But I broke the phone…how will I book a cab?” Shiv shivered as he was talking.

“I am sorry for that…I was responsible but I can’t help you. We can get a regular taxi from the stand.”
Shiv and Nikhil got out and looked for a taxi. After looking for a while they finally got one. Nikhil gave directions to Shiv and Shiv conveyed to the driver. Many things were going on in Shiv’s mind. He decided to get to a doctor once he gets finished with Nikhil. He had never encountered a ghost or spirit in his life. He had only heard stories which were not very good and which always ended ugly. He prayed each moment. He questioned each second of the day.
“Tell him to stop!” Nikhil said. The degree of restlessness can be measured by his tone.
They got off the taxi. Shiv looked at Nikhil. “Now what?” He asked.

“You see the red gate there…” Nikhil pointed out to a house. “Go there and knock on the door.”

Shiv looked at the gate.”Who lives there? And what do I say to the person?” He asked.

He got no reply. He looked around. Nikhil was nowhere. Shiv moved his foot towards the house. It was a gloomy day. The overgrown plants in the neighborhood made the path darker. He reached the red gate. Slided the lock and opened it. The garden was well maintained. There roses, lilies, jasmines bloomed and the fragrance was very capturing. He gathered all his courage when he walked through the garden and finally reached the door. He sighed and lifted his hand. He finally knocked on the door. His heart was racing and he didn’t know what to anticipate. Nobody opened the door. He knocked again.
This time the door opened. An old woman stood smiling.
“I am sorry…I kept you waiting. I am too old to walk quickly.”
Shiv was relieved seeing the old woman but was more confused.

“Come in my child,” the woman invited Shiv before he could even say anything. “Nikhil sent you here?”

“How do …” Shiv was speechless. He repented entering the house.

“You stay here. I’ll just come. Please be seated.” The lady went to the other room saying this.

“Is this Nikhil’s home? Maybe the lady is his mother?” Shiv thought to himself. He noticed some photographs kept in the showcase. He went close to take a look. The photographs were black and white and stained at some places. There were many photographs. He could recognise the lady from her single portrait and was completely fascinated by her beauty. He then shifted his focus to a group photo. It seemed like a college group. This time he could spot Nikhil standing beside the lady. Both looked happy, holding each other’s hand. He looked up and saw a certificate hanging on the wall. The name was ‘Mary Joseph’.

“That’s my college degree.” The lady entered the room with a cake in his hand. Shiv was nervous.

“I am sorry …I looked into the…”

“It’s okay my child. I know you are confused…” The lady kept the cake on the table. Shiv noticed ‘Happy Birthday’ written on it but he curbed the desire to ask anything. He went closer.

The lady cut a generous piece and gave it to Shiv. “You must be hungry.”

“Nikhil…I saw him. He is a gh…”

“We were in love…” The lady interrupted. “Yes…you saw him. Is he still so handsome?”
The lady teared up saying this. Shiv didn’t say anything. He just listened.
“We were together in college. We fell in love. But he was a Hindu Brahmin and I was a Christian and that time it was a huge deal. Our parents didn’t allow us to be together. We didn’t want to upset our parents. So we decided to give them time…we hoped one day they will understand.” The lady sighed. “They didn’t.”

“Did Nikhil kill himself?” Shiv asked.

“No…he was brave…he fought for us. We fought for us. But…”

“What happened?”

“An accident. Nikhil was badly injured. My parents allowed me to meet him in the hospital one last time. He was in the bed lying helplessly but still smiling. He smiled as he promised he would wait for me. I cried as I promised I would wait for him. He died that very night.”
Shiv sat on the chair near him and continued to listen.
“It’s been thirty years. He never forgets my birthday…he makes me realise…that he’s still waiting!” She cried and smiled at the same time. The wrinkled face lit up once again as she thought of Nikhil. “What’s your name Son?”

“Shiv…Shiv Mehra.”

“Come I have something to show you…” The lady took Shiv to another room. Shiv was amazed to see some twenty-thirty cakes kept on a large round table.
“People like you who were approached by Nikhil send me these every year! Kind people like you. People who believe in love. You tell me…do you have a special someone?”

“I didn’t believe in love…” Shiv paused and looked up at her face, “But now I do!”

The lady smiled. “Tell me…did he also promise you that he’ll never bother you again?”

” Yeah..I was too frightened. I didn’t know who was he. But didn’t he ever come to meet you after his death?”

“I don’t know actually. I always feel he is with me. Maybe he doesn’t want to see me as an old woman!” Mary laughed. “People say spirits approach only those who are depressed or tired… You must be late to work. I have my orphanage to take care of. The children give me strength. They enjoy the cakes with me and turn this old lady to a small girl.”

“I couldn’t have believed your story if I hadn’t seen it. I was wrong. Love has no barrier. No age. No religion. No world.”

“You will experience it soon I guess…just don’t loose hope. Don’t stop loving. One day will come when you’ll meet a person whose one glance would knock the door to your heart!”

Shiv spent the whole day with Mary and the children in the orphanage. He played games, laughed like a child and ate the cakes without any worry. It was evening when he decided to head back home. He got on a bus from the street nearby. He soon realised it was the same bus he took that night from the office.

“Hey, may I sit beside you?” A sweet voice called from behind. A beautiful lady with an innocent smile stood infront of Shiv. His heart skipped a beat.
“Sh…sure.” he stammered.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Roshni ran to her room as soon as she entered the house. She opened the room, put her bag on the carpet, slided the curtains to allow the light enter the room and stared out of the window.

She noticed the mango tree in the backyard had grown taller and wider. The tree blocked most of the light entering through the window. She looked around the room. Everything was as it was when she left for college a year ago. Now that the summer vacation were on, she could sleep longer, eat home made food and hang out with her old friends. She looked out the window again. A smile covered her face as she saw the big green mangoes hanging from the tree. She loved raw mangoes.

Then suddenly she heard the caws. The crows were all over the mango tree. They continuously made sounds as if there was a fight going on. Then Roshni noticed a crow being attacked by other crows. The crow being attacked was a very small one and was a bit different. It took a while for Roshni to figure out that the little crow was not actually a crow but was a baby cuckoo. What stunned Roshni was the fact that there was a crow who was protecting the cuckoo from the attacks. Roshni had never seen this thing before. Her grandmother had told her stories about the cuckoo bird. These lazy birds don’t build their own nest. They instead lay eggs in other bird’s nest…mostly crow’s nest. Thus the crow…probably a female was not protecting the cuckoo but she was protecting her child. The crow knew that the baby was not hers but she knew she was it’s mother. Roshni kept looking at the crow and the cuckoo until they flew to a farther tree.

Roshni then walked slowly to the other wall. And gazed at the framed photo. It was her mother’s. She took out a match stick and lighted the candle kept on the shelf close to the photo. “Mom…I wish I had some memories of you…” Roshni was very young when her mom passed away. She had only heard stories of her mother from her grandmother.

“Roshni…” Called her father. Roshni at once went running to the dinning room. The table was full of all her favourite foods. Her Dad stood at the corner with a sweet smile.

“Dad…what have you done!”

“So you don’t want all this?” He frowned.

“Of course I do want all this.” Roshni uncovered all the dishes one by one, taking the delicious scents in and smiling all the time. At one such dish she uncovered the lid and held on for a moment. “Coconut prawn? Mom loved it when you made this for her…right?

“No darling…I made it because you love it and…who told you about your mother?” Roshni’s father seemed a little annoyed.

“Grandma did. You loved Mom very much didn’t you?”

“I…I don’t….why don’t you start eating. It’s getting cold.”

Roshni went closer to her dad and hugged him tightly.

“I know I’m not your…blood” Roshni cried as she tried to complete the sentence.

“Who told you that? You are my daughter and I am your father…” Her father couldn’t hold back his tears either.

“Grandma told me that mom cheated on you. You still accepted her. You accepted me and…oh dad.” Roshni gripped him even tighter.

“Stop your rubbish. You know I love your mom. I loved her with all I had. And will continue to love her till my last breath. And I love you my darling.” He kissed her on her head. “Don’t bring all this up ever… understand. Or…or I’ll never talk to you. Now please would you start eating!”

Roshni smiled and wiped her tears. “Dad?”

“Now what?”

“I think you are the best mother in this world!”

The Pain.

‘Sir, your name?’

‘John…John Thomas.’

‘What year Sir?’


‘Thank you Sir, you may proceed.’

John walked past the entrance with a heavy heart but a smile on his face. The place was beautifully maintained by the keepers. The lush green bushes, the smell of the seasonal flowers, the chirp of the birds, the cool breeze…Everything was peaceful. He walked through the cobble stone road to reach the grave. He held the flowers he brought in his hand and smiled at the grave.
He remembered how 8 years ago he decided to end his life. John was going through a very difficult time at that point. His job was at stake, his savings were down with the crashing stock market and his love of life was being married to someone else. He only had his father with him who was mostly ill. The other support he had was his 2 year old dog, Pom.

He remembered the night when he took all his pills which were prescribed for his depression. He remembered losing himself with each passing second. He remembered the faint visuals and the faint barks. He remembered waking up the next day in the hospital bed. His father sitting beside his bed and crying.
‘What have you done my son!’

‘Father…I was…’

‘Pom saved you….And saved me.’

The neighbours had heard Pom barking aggressively. They had rushed John to the nearest hospital.

‘You don’t know John…I could not have lived without you. You cannot imagine the pain. The most unfortunate thing for a parent is to live with the fact that their child is no more! Thank God you are alright!’

He remembered how his father kissed his forehead and prayed for his long life. John’s father died that very year due to the chronic illness.
But still John was glad that his father was able to witness his prosperity. That year John had started his own startup which was a huge success.
He now wept as he looked at the stone on the grave.

‘I now know father…The pain you were talking about…You were right! Its unbearable but still I have to bear it everyday till I die.’
He kept the flowers on the grave and left wiping his tears.
The stone read…
‘ POM (2008-2018).
Boy.. You’ll always remain in my heart.
Love Dad.’

Miles Apart.

Hey…So how was your day?’ Payal smiled as she held the phone tightly to her right ear. Her excitement could be measured by her tone.

‘Good. Yours?’ replied Randeep in an incredibly dull tone from the other side of the phone.

‘Great but I missed you so much! The best thing today was the girl I met..I…’

‘Payal…Baby can we talk later?’ Randeep interrupted Payal, ‘The head has come.’

‘Yeah sure…’ Payal’s excitement dissolved at once and now her tone matched that of Randeep’s, ‘ I’ll call you later’. Payal kept the phone on the dining table, finished the noodles she was eating, washed the dishes and went to her study. Her study was a small room with thousands of books and even more number of spiders and webs. The room was not at all well lit and had a layer of dust on the floor. But Payal never bothered to work in that space or else never bothered to clean the space. There were a bunch of papers lying on the study table. Payal sighed. She put on her spectacles and started counting the papers.
‘Sixty five? ‘, she uttered to herself, ‘But there are Sixty seven students in the class right? Payal count again!’ she counted them once again and this time seemed satisfied with the result.
Payal was a girl in her early thirty’s. She was a teacher by profession and was married to Randeep since the last five years. Payal and Randeep met in a matrimony portal. Randeep’s parents liked Payal a lot. Though before the marriage they never actually met each other in person they talked quite a lot on phone. Still after their marriage while Randeep worked out of the country and only came to his home once in a year, most of their ‘precious’ moments happened over the phone. Randeep worked for a hospital as a psychiatrist and was most of the time stressed due to the work load. Payal on the other hand was in love with teaching. She thought it as a way to express herself to people, though the people being ten years old but still this was her only way to be happy.
Payal while assessing the answer scripts suddenly looked at the wall clock. It was 1o’clock. It was already the next day. Payal wrapped the bundles, kept them at the corner of the table, she absentmindedly as other days forgot to switch the lights off and went to her bedroom. When she entered the room , the first thing she saw was the wedding picture. The wedding photo of Randeep and her wedding, framed in a beautiful wooden antique work. She purposely hung the picture in that wall so as to see it first when she enter the room, so as to feel that she is not alone, so as to never feel upset that she still after five years of marriage lives alone. She wanted to feel the warmth, she wanted to be loved, she wanted Randeep badly. The days were passing with a very little difference each day. She would write in her diary every day about her monotonous life but that day was different.
She took her diary kept under her pillow and started writing.

‘Simmi … That’s the name of the girl I met today. We shared the cab to work. She said she worked in the office opposite the hospital. There was something so charismatic about her! The elegance, the look on her face, the smile…She was so nice and the way she talked! I could talk to her for hours. After so long I felt that I actually connected to someone. Someone I could talk my heart out. Someone as lost as I am. But there was someone as annoying! Aggh…The driver. He kept looking back through the mirror. He kept staring at Simmi like a stalker. Except for the ride nothing interesting happened today. I hope I get Simmi again someday and if I do……’

The most unusual thing happened. Payal fell asleep while writing. She fell asleep without her sleeping pills. She fell asleep without setting the alarm. The next morning when she woke up the diary was still in her hand and the pen lied on the ground. She looked at the clock. It was exactly six in the morning. This was the first time in the five years that she woke up felling fresh and charged up. She felt as if she had completed her sleep which was incomplete for a very long time.
The first thing Payal would do after waking up was check her phone for any messages from Randeep. And everyday she would be upset seeing the inbox empty. Payal still managed to stay in a good mood after doing her morning yoga while listening to the morning radio show. She would get ready for the school. She had a good collection of bright coloured salwar suits from which she would choose her outfit after her bath. She would apply the vermilion in a hefty amount on her partitioned scalp and put a small bindi in the centre of her brow gap. The bindi would be in a matching colour with tag of the salwar. After packing her lunch and books, she would book a cab in share to her school.

That day she followed the same routine. When the cab arrived she was a bit surprised to see Simmi again sitting in the car.
‘Hey! Good morning!’ Payal greeted Simmi.

‘What! It’s you again. Good morning! Get in.’ Simmi was equally amazed.
The ride started and so did their talks.

‘How is your child?’ Payal asked. Simmi told about her four year old daughter the other day.

‘She is good…A little upset when mummy leaves for office.’ Simmi smiled at Payal. ‘What about you? Aren’t you planning to have a child? Five years is a long time. With age the complications of having a child would increase.’

Payal sighed, ‘Yeah I know but…Actually my husband…’

‘He is working abroad…You told me. Why don’t you go there then? I mean you can work there too, right?’

‘I am too afraid to go there.’

‘Why? Its just another country… Moreover you would be with your husband. You two would get chance to spent time together.’

‘Thats what I am afraid of…Spending time with him, knowing him. We have been married for five years now but we still haven’t talked much. When he is there he is so absorbed in his work and when he comes to visit me once or twice in a year, we usually spend time with his parents and seldom get any quality time.’

‘So basically you two are still strangers to each other?’

‘Sort of’ Payal shrugged. Payal noticed that this driver was also staring at Simmi like anything.

‘Sir…What are you staring at?’ Payal shouted at the driver.

‘I am sorry madam..’ the driver apologized.

‘You should ignore them,’ Simmi tried to pacify Payal. ‘So you don’t love your husband?’

‘I do but I am not sure he loves me or not…Sometimes it feels as if he agreed to marry me for his parents satisfaction’.

‘So you are afraid that if you found out that he doesn’t love you…You…’

‘I will be shattered. I am not ready for this. My parents separated when I was very small. I heard that they loved each other before marriage but I fail to understand what changed after marriage so I decided to go with an arranged marriage but here I am thinking…What if my marriage fails?’

‘But if you don’t try to get it sorted, your marriage will definitely fail. You..’
‘Enough of me!’ Payal interrupted Simmi, ‘Tell me about your marriage. You seem happy with your life!’

Simmi laughed to it, ‘The grass appears greener the other side. We have your school look!’

‘Oh! I again lost track of time talking to you. Hey! Can I have your number? I love sharing with you. We might not get lucky in cabs another time.’
They exchanged their numbers and Payal then went to her school. Payal as usual called Randeep after reaching the staff room.

‘Randeep …I have reached school. Have you had your breakfast?’ Payal asked while she took out the answer scripts from her bag.
‘Not yet…I will have it from the canteen. Did you sleep well yesterday? How are the new pills working?’
‘Actually I…’ Payal stopped for a moment, ‘Yeah the pills are great. When will you come home Randeep? I want to…’

‘Payal we have had this talk hundred times now…You know how important my work is! I am almost…’

‘I am getting late for the class. I am sorry to bother you ‘. Payal hang up the phone with frustration.

Payal went home early that day. She didn’t feel good. The way home she thought about her parents over and over again. She felt as if her fear was taking the shape of reality. Her marriage was failing. She went home, took the bottle filled with pills, opened the cap and poured all the tablets into a glass of water kept at the dining table. She looked at the pills. She looked at the pills settling one above the other. She saw the pills dissolving slowly and slowly with time. She took the glass and placed it near her lips. She was about to sip it but suddenly her hands seized to move. Her grip was loosening and she felt the glass slipping from her hand. The glass fell on the ground with pieces of glass scattered all over the floor. She sat on the floor for a while and then she suddenly stood up to reach her bag. Her fingers trembled as she searched for her phone. The tears were blurring her vision but she didn’t bother to remove them. She called Randeep who was the only person on her speed dial. It rang for seven-eight times but was not answered. Then she tried to call Simmi. The phone was unreachable. Payal tried to call them again and again hoping she could talk to someone or anyone. She finally fell on the ground unconscious.

The next day when she woke up she found the phone held with a tight grip in her hand. Her hands had some minor scratches due to the pieces of glass. When she checked her phone she saw 23 missed calls from Randeep. She looked at the time. She was amazed to see that she again woke up at 6. She wanted to call Randeep back but she didn’t. She didn’t know what to say or how to explain all the things she felt. She feared Randeep would not understand her.
She got a hold of herself and convinced herself to go to work. She wore a gorgeous salwar suit with matching gold jewelry. So wanted to feel good about herself with those glittery things. She skipped her breakfast intentionally and booked the cab.
Simmi was again sitting inside the cab smiling at Payal.
‘How is this happening?’ Payal got inside the car and tried to put on a smile on her face.
‘Hey…I tried to call you yesterday but it couldn’t connect.’

‘I don’t know what’s wrong with my network..You are not the first to tell me this. You seem stressed…Is every thing alright?’
Payal sighed and looked outside. She knew she needed help but wasn’t sure if she should tell Simmi everything. ‘Yesterday I …I fell…On the ground…’

‘Oh you have scratches too! Are you okay now?’.
‘I guess…So you didn’t tell me about your husband yesterday…How is he?’

‘I have a baby Payal but not a husband.’ Simmi smiled at Payal. She smiled as her eyes became moist. She tried to hide her pain with the smile.

‘What are you saying? Simmi you can tell me anything you want. I am listening.’ Payal forgot all her suffering for a while.

‘We were in love Payal…We were happy together…But not married yet. Then one day I came to know that I was pregnant.’

‘Did he not want the baby?’

‘He doesn’t know it yet.’

‘Why didn’t you tell him? I am with you Simmi. What happened? Did he do something wrong to you ‘

‘When I got to know that I was pregnant I wanted him to marry me. I had no other option. I didn’t want to abort the child nor did I want to pressurize him…He too wanted to marry me but…But his parents were rigidly against the marriage.’

‘Did he not ….’

‘He fought for us Payal but I backed out. I never wanted to separate him from his parents. I went away and gave birth to my daughter. When my daughter was born I heard from a common friend that he had got married and this time the girl was chosen by his parents.’

‘So he still doesn’t know about your daughter. She’s five now. What’s his name Simmi? Maybe I could…’ Payal looked at the front mirror of the cab the driver was staring at her with astonishment. Then she looked at the road. The car was about to hit a truck. Payal shouted at the driver to look in front and hugged Simmi as tight as she could.
Simmi whispered to Payal’s ear, ‘His name is Randeep.’ Payal felt a thrust and fell unconscious.

Payal woke up at the hospital. The first person she saw after waking up was Randeep. He was sitting next to her bed with his hands placed on her head.
‘Where’s Simmi? Is she okay?’ Payal asked with a trembling voice. She had bandage over her head and right hand.
‘Simmi? Is she someone from your school?’. Randeep asked holding Payal’s hand to calm her down.

‘She was with me when the accident happened. How is she?’
‘But I was told that you were alone except for the driver. The driver survived but still is under critical care.’
‘No Randeep. I shared the cab with Simmi. You know her Randeep!’

‘Calm down Payal. I saw your booking history. You booked the cab and it wasn’t on share. The company showed me the details. They are investigating into the matter.’

‘You loved Simmi very much… Didn’t you Randeep?’ Payal sobbed as she talked to her husband.

Randeep was taken aback. He didn’t know what to say for a moment.

‘Who told you about Simmi?’, Randeep asked impatiently.

‘Simmi herself said me that how deeply you two were in love with each other. You are a father Randeep. You have a lovely daughter. She is five now. Her number is saved in my phone… Please call her and talk to her!’

‘Your phone was destroyed in the accident…Why didn’t she tell me…’, Randeep looked at Payal. He knew how much pain Payal was feeling. He hid his past for five long years. He could not believe that he had a child. He wanted to meet Simmi and his daughter but he felt terrible that he took Payal for granted all these years.

‘She told that you two had a common friend. She knew about our marriage. I want to know if she is okay. Please call your friends Randeep.’

Randeep went out of the cabin and called all the common friends he had with Simmi. None could tell about her whereabouts except for one. He listened to his friends quietly and then went inside the cabin again.
‘Did you get anything? Randeep! Tell me…Why you seem so upset?’ Payal tried to sit straight with all the strength she had.
‘She named our daughter Preet and kept her with her aunt.’

‘Randeep please marry Simmi. I would love to step aside. I know you never loved me and you only loved Simmi. Randeep…Say something…’

Randeep came close to Payal and sat on his knees,’Simmi died a month ago…Payal..She is dead!’ Randeep kept his head on Payal’s lap and cried like a child. ‘She had a car accident and was bedridden for a month. She wanted to meet you and wanted you to own the child but before my friends could find me…She left! I was so obsessed in my work that I didn’t care to check on my friends or call them back when they called. I even ignored you…Payal I am so sorry.’

‘Randeep…I want to be the mother of your child…Please get her to me. Simmi was in immense pain and insecurity even after her death. I have seen her, talked to her ,felt her. She loved you so much!’

Randeep held Payal’s hand tight and took her into her arms.
‘I love you…Payal.’

The Deal.

Shilpa was meeting Kunal almost after a decade now. She couldn’t believe that she would ever meet Kunal in such conditions.

‘Vitals?’ asked Shilpa to the paramedic standing beside the strecher.
‘BP 80/50, PR 110, SpO2 84%…The CT and X-Ray plates madam’, the paramedic handed over the plates to Shilpa. Shilpa looked at the plates carefully and exhaled with her mouth.

‘CT is within normal limits but the lower limb bones are crushed…Admit him in the emergency surgery unit.The patient has lost too much blood. Please run the routine tests and arrange 3 units blood for transfusion. Also inform the blood bank to keep units in reserve. The patient may collapse any minute.’ Shilpa ordered the intern. The intern started to jot down the advice. ‘Its a road traffic accident right?’ asked Shilpa to which the intern nodded yes. ‘It would be a police case then…Send the ticket to my room after it arrives…Okay?’ The intern nodded a yes again.
‘Umm…Also write a refer to the orthopedic department and after they had seen the CT and X-Ray plates, sent the plates for a proper report.’

The intern ran and began to do things she was told. Shilpa went to her room and wrote a detailed note about the findings and the injury report. Meanwhile Kunal was placed in a bed and was visited by various doctors from different departments for opinions.

‘Police is trying to reach his family. There is nobody to give consent.’ Shilpa explained to the panel.

‘He should be operated now…His condition may worsen.’ suggested a surgeon.

‘But he’s not stable yet…And blood has still not arrived.’ the anaesthesist argued.

‘Doctors,’ Shilpa said in a low deep tone going closer to the monitor, ‘Tall peaked t waves!’ she pointed to the ECG.

‘Crush syndrome?’ the anaesthesist looked at Shilpa, ‘The lower limbs were crushed…We have to operate but there is chance of hypovolemic shock. Doctor Shilpa…What do you suggest? Its your case. Anyway the patient may…’

‘Call the team immediately. We will operate. We have to take the chance. As soon as blood arrives we have to transfuse’ ordered Shilpa.

The surgery was started and one hour had passed. ‘Doctor Shilpa you seem nervous…Your hands are shaking. Are you alright?’ one of the doctors asked Shilpa, ‘Its the first time I am seeing you so stressed, we have done such emergency surgeries earlier…’

‘Nothing doctor… Actually I know the patient personally’ replied Shilpa looking at Kunal’s face.

‘What! Shilpa are you okay? We can manage. The patient is almost stable.’

‘No. I am fine. I was in school with him. I didn’t remember his name until I got his ticket. I just…’ Shilpa stopped and again looked at Kunal. The surgery went on for another hour. Kunal was out of danger now.

Shilpa was exhausted by the long surgery and couldn’t go home. She slept in her cabin and was awakened by a knock on the door the other day.
‘Goodmorning Doctor…The patient has returned to conscious state, the police is here to meet him. Should we…’ the nurse stopped when she noticed Shilpa shutting her eyes. ‘Should I tell them to wait?’

‘Yeah…First I would examine the patient’s state, till then tell them to sit in the waiting room.’

Shilpa quickly freshened up and headed to the ward. Kunal was sitting with the help of the back support. He still had his oxygen mask on his face and looked drowsy due to the pain medications he was put on.

‘Goodmorning! Mr. Kunal…I am your Doctor, Doctor…’

‘Shilpa? Hey we were at school together! Don’t you remember me?

‘Yeah I do Kunal. How are you feeling today?’

‘I don’t know…I mean you chopped off my legs and…’

‘It was necessary so as to save you…You were dying and I had to save you anyhow. We didn’t had any of your relative or friends for the discussion and you were totally unconscious…We did what we thought was right.’ Shilpa sighed. ‘The police wants to talk to you and before you tell them about the accident I want to…’

‘What do I tell the police? I don’t remember a thing from the night. I only saw lights coming towards me and the next thing I remember is lying in this bed without my legs!’

‘I am sorry Kunal. What happened is unfortunate…But the police will investigate into it and I would not… rather cannot stop them from doing their job.’
After examining Kunal, Shilpa let the officers question Kunal while she attended other patients.

‘So what do you remember from that night? Anything and everything.’ the officer asked.
‘I was returning from my studio late that night on my bike and suddenly a speeding light came towards me. That’s all I have officer.’ Kunal sighed. ‘I might have had a little alcohol but certainly not much to jeopardize my riding. But wasn’t there any clue of what happened there? I mean the vehicle or something?’

‘I am afraid but no.’ replied the officer. ‘We checked the road thoroughly but haven’t got anything yet. Also to our bad luck the CCTV camera on the road was out of order. It is indeed difficult to find the culprit but we assure you we’ll try our best. Till then take care Mr. Kunal and if you remember anything…feel free to give us a call.’

‘Yeah sure..Thanks officer’. Kunal smiled overcoming the pain he felt.

Shilpa was heading home after the tiring shift she had but before going she stopped by the ward to talk to Kunal. Kunal was talking to the nurse and seemed disturbed.
‘Is everything alright Nurse?’ Shilpa investigated.
‘Doctor I have given the adviced pain medications to him but he is arguing to give him more. I told him…’

‘It’s okay, ‘ Shilpa smiled at the nurse and patted on her back, ‘I will talk to him…Please attend other patients.’

‘Kunal…I know you are in pain but we cannot give you more of the pain killers. It would be harmful to you.’ Shilpa tried to calm Kunal down.

‘It’s too hard. Its paining a lot. You can never ever imagine the pain.’

‘Hey, did you tell the management about your family or any known person? I am sure if you have a good company you would feel and heal better.’

‘I have friends but nobody is so much close to me. Moreover they have their lives to life…Many of them are my mere drinking partners.’


‘Only my father who is least bothered about me.’ Kunal looked at Shilpa . ‘He disowned me when I denied to run the family business and started to follow my passion.’

‘So what’s the passion? May be that could help!’

Kunal laughed to it and looked at his legs which ended soon after the knees. ‘Dance…Dance is …Or I should say, was the passion of my life.’

Shilpa felt as if a dagger went straight through her heart. ‘Kunal I …I had …I am so sorry…I .’

‘You took my passion to give me life. Pointless life?’

‘No. Life is never pointless. I will help you Kunal. I promise,’ Shilpa held Kunal’s hand.

In the coming weeks Shilpa spent her spare time sitting beside Kunal’s bed and talking to him. She tried her best to provide the emotional support and confidence which seemed to be lost in Kunal after the amputation. They talked about the stupid stuffs they did in school. The classes, the classmates, the gossips of the classmates and more. When Kunal was stable enough to be discharged he had nobody or no place to go to.

‘Where would you go?’ Shilpa asked.

‘I only have my studio and that too is of no use now I guess… but I will figure something out, I have the strength now.’

‘I know you are better now but I still insist that you come to my place. It would be good for you. You have some disabilities now and…’

‘Right…I forgot I am handicapped now.’

‘I didn’t mean that besides you are not handicapped. You are a man with disabilities who still has the ability to serve the society and hence not a handicapped person…until you give up!’ Shilpa said in one breath.

Kunal smiled at Shilpa with astonishment. ‘You have done so much for me Shilpa…You even paid the bills. I don’t think I could take anymore favours from you.’

‘Okay then do me a favour…Live with me!’ Shilpa teared up while speaking. ‘You know I had feelings for you since a very long time. You ignored it. Even I ignored it afterwards thinking it may be for the good but it never turned any good for me. I still…After so many years have not found anyone for whom I could feel the way I feel for you!’

‘Shilpa I know that but think about it… I am not a good choice…I am not even a choice for you. I think it’s the sympathy talking. You will eventually feel burdened. I will make you slow. I will…’

‘May be I am ready to slow things down a bit.’ Shilpa shrugged and went closer to Kunal who was in the wheelchair. She bend forward to kiss him. ‘Please! I am literally begging you.’ They kissed.

‘You don’t have to. Last few days were something different for me. I was happy. The only thing which made me happy was dancing. And now that I can’t dance the way I did… the thing that brings me joy is you!’

Kunal went with Shilpa. They started living together and seemed to be enjoying every bit of it. Kunal started a new passion that was music. Shilpa would go to work as usual in the morning and when she returned in the evening, all the tiredness would just vanish listening to Kunal’s music. They would talk for hours.

‘Hey! Isn’t this your slam book?’ Kunal picked up a fancy thin book from the magazine rack.
‘Yeah…My first one.’ Shilpa replied. ‘I always keep my firsts in a special place.’
‘There is my note too…’ Kunal laughed as he turned the pages. Kunal rolled the wheels of his chair and went close to Shilpa who was sitting on the sofa. Kunal brushed her hair with his fingers.

‘Will you marry me?’ Kunal proposed.

Shilpa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. ‘I have something to confess to you…’ Shilpa seemed nervous. She took Kunal to the garage and handed him a broken rare view mirror.
‘It was my first car. I couldn’t get rid off my first so I had to at least keep a piece of it. It is the car…’

‘Which hit me?’ Kunal completed. ‘I know.’

‘What? I don’t understand you told that you didn’t remember any thing…’

‘I lied. I was conscious till you came out from the car and checked if I was alive. I also heard when you made the call to the hospital.’

‘Why did you not tell the police? Why did you save me?’ Shilpa cried.

‘To save me…Not you.’ Kunal laughed while Shilpa looked at him with astonishment. ‘I was finished…I was a complete failure. The studio was gone from my hands. I was heavily drugged and was about to finish my life. Then the best thing happened to me…The accident!’

‘So you used me to get all this..’

‘To get a decent life…You almost killed me but you saved me.’ Kunal winked at Shilpa.

‘You didn’t love me? I did all this for you and…’

‘Oh! You loved me? You too pretended didn’t you? You hoped to get out of the guilt.’

Shilpa wiped her tears and stared straight at Kunal’s eyes. ‘Yeah it’s true…I didn’t love you. But what next? Would you tell the police about that night?’

‘No but I want my reward to keep it a secret…’

‘So you are blackmailing me?’ Shilpa lifted her eyebrows.

‘Not at all… Think it like a deal.’ Kunal replied with cool.

‘Its a deal then…But marriage is off the table.’ Shilpa clarified.

‘Absolutely Doc!’ Kunal threw the rare view mirror in the bin.

The Pride.

‘Papa please let me study there…Please papa,’ Gauri begged to her father who was busy solving the soduko in the weekly newspaper. ‘All my friends are going there too and that is the best in the country.’

Gauri lived in a small town with her parents. Her father worked in a big company and was a respected person there. Gauri went to the best school in the town and was a bright student. Once in a while the family would go on trips and vacations outside, mostly in the big cities. Gauri was always intrigued by the city life. While growing up she always thought of living in the fancy big cities. She was fed-up of the narrow roads and the even narrower mindset of the people living in the town. So when she did complete her school, she was determined to study further in a renowned college in the city. She thought it was the only chance to get out of the boring life she had in the town.
The father sighed and folded the newspaper. He could no longer concentrate in the soduko due to the constant whining, ‘I told you that I would not let you stay alone in an unknown city. It is dangerous and you would not be able to live there alone.’

‘You are seventeen now and still cannot tie up your hair or wash your clothes,’ Gauri’s mother jumped into the conversation, ‘How would you manage there without us?’

‘Then come with me mom. And I know how to tie my hair or wash my clothes. You didn’t ever give me my space to do those things myself. I wouldn’t be alone there. My friends would be there for me…Papa please ‘ Gauri sobbed.

The conflict went on for days until Gauri’s parents had to surrender to her stubbornness. They were reluctant to send their daughter so far but they couldn’t fight Gauri’s urge to get and explore the world on her own.

The first few days were the best for Gauri. She was finally out of the captivity of the overwhelming care and suffocating love of her parents. She was tasting freedom for the first time. The clean campus, new friends, the happening hostel life. She loved it but everything has a price attached to it. Soon she realised how badly she was missing her home, her mother’s food, her father’s boring speech. She missed the overwhelming care and suffocating love! She missed her small town. She missed the warmth she got in the town where almost everybody knew eachother. She got her new friends but missed the old ones she left behind.
Soon she found herself drowning in her routine. Her happening life started to becoming less and less happening. The boring lectures, the projects, the filthy canteens and the dirty hotel’s washroom. The only thing which she anticipated was the phone calls from her home and the vacations.

Then suddenly something changed. She once again started liking her life in the city. The change was a boy named Shoib. Shoib was a senior in the college. She met him in the second year of college. Shoib was like a fresh breeze in Gauri’s life. Gauri had many flings earlier but this time it was different, either Shoib was a perfect boy for Gauri or she was really emotionally vulnerable and looked for a support. Shoib helped her in her studies and projects, they would go out almost every night and spent the nights talking on phone. The bond was getting stronger. They were in love.
Shoib had an elder brother as his family. It was easy for him to convince his elder brother about Gauri. But for Gauri it was a difficult task to make her parents agree upon the relationship. When Gauri was in the final year of the college, Shoib got a government job and both decided to get their families involved. They wanted to get married.

‘Shoib?’ Gauri’s father frowned, ‘He’s a Muslim?’
‘Never. Gauri…this is too much. We have had enough of your tantrums but this time you have gone very far.’ her mother yelled.
‘But I love him and…’
‘Love…what about us? A Muslim boy? There was so many good boys in our community…’ her mother yelled again.
‘Mom..but I said I love Shoib… please understand…please mom…’ Gauri pleaded. She had cried enough to make her eyes swell. Her nose was all red and watery. She was trying hard but she knew this time it was hard to get what she wanted.
‘Enough is enough.. Gauri. We would never allow this boy into our family’, her father said in a shivery yet firm tone trying hard not to cry.
‘Then I guess,’ sighed Gauri wiping the tears rolling down her cheek, ‘I should get out of this family. I know you have done so much for me but …’ Gauri went to the door opened it uttered, ‘bye mom…bye dad.’
‘What are you saying…have you gone mad?’ the heartbroken mother tried to stop Gauri.
‘Let her go.’ shouted the father.
Gauri went out and slammed the door hard. She left her parents, her home and the town that day and promised herself to never return.

Gauri and Shoib got married two years later after Gauri got into a decent job. Shoib mostly had to stay away from Gauri due to his posting. It was more like a long distance relationship except for some lucky days when Shoib had his vacations. It went like that for a year or so but one day Shoib left Gauri. Shoib went away from Gauri and never came back. Gauri was devastated and angry. She always questioned herself why Shoib left her alone. She sometimes thought if she got her parent’s support everything would have been different. If she didn’t marry Shoib everything would have been different. She often questioned the decision she had made so far.

Two months after that Gauri came to know that she was pregnant. She didn’t know what to do. She was happy that she has got someone to live with but at the same time she was worried whether she could give birth to the baby alone without any support. She was tempted to return to her home; to her parents but there was something inside her which didn’t give her the affirmation. It was very difficult. The monthly visits, the abdominal cramps, the frequent refluxed. She managed them alone. She again started questioning the decision she had made. She was approached by many people mostly males for help. She had many proposals for marriage again. But she denied them all. She still loved Shoib. She wanted to live with dignity. She wanted to give birth to a healthy baby with dignity.
After few months she gave birth. She gave birth to a healthy boy. She named him Armaan. Raising a child in the economic conditions she had was tough. It was tougher for Gauri as she even didn’t have the emotional or mental support. She missed Shoib badly but was strong enough to not breakdown. She again had questions to herself that whether she could give the boy a good life, whether she could make the boy a good human. Self doubt once again surrounded her.

Now Armaan was four years old. It was time for him to enter the school. Gauri made sure that Armaan got the best education. She wanted to get him admitted to the best school in the city. She got him trained to answer the questions ususaly asked during the admission interview.
‘What is your name son?’ the teacher asked Armaan in the interview.
‘Mohhemmud Armaan…miss!’ he replied in the cute voice. Gauri sat beside him and filled the admission forms and heard his son answering the questions without any fear.
‘What do you want to become when you grow up?’ the teacher asked. Gauri lifted her head to look at her son. She had not rehearsed this question with him. She was tensed. She then looked into the form. The next point in the form was ‘FATHER’S NAME’. She rolled the pen in between the fingers and continued to look at her son. She could feel her heart thrombing.

‘I want to become…’ Armaan paused, ‘l want to become a soldier like my father … Caption Mohammed Shoib…he died protecting our country.’ he then looked to his mother.
With his answer all the questions Gauri had in her heart were answered. She knew she had made the correct decisions. Her eyes filled with tears and her heart filled with pride. She took a deep breath and wrote in the form ‘Late Captain Mohammed Shoib’.