Rani looked into the mirror. She could see her pink coloured lips, the thick black eyeliner on the border of her eyelids, her perfectly plucked eyebrows, the shimmery blush on her cheek. Everything seemed perfect but then she noticed the thick black hair under her chin. She was very disturbed. She plucked the hair and gazed at it with tears filling in the corner of her eyes.
Rani was now 32 years old. A beautiful smart and independent woman living in the city with her overwhelming dreams. She looked into the mirror again and smiled thinking of the other night when Tanmay proposed her. That night was as perfect as she had imagined. The lights, the moon, the fragrance of fresh roses and Tanmay standing with the usual smile he carried on his face. Rani was becoming more and more impatient thinking about the moments. She wanted to call Tanmay and give him the answer which she didn’t tell him that night. She wanted to tell him how immensely she had fallen for him but was afraid of her past. Her past that ruined all previous relationships she had. The past which she had to tell Tanmay but every time she thought of it, her heart sank deeper and deeper.
Rani was identified as a male when she was born and named Samrat. Her childhood was full of confusion and pain. She wanted to play with dolls and wear a frock but instead she was handled a toy car and was dressed in pants. As she grew up, the pain and confusion also grew with her. She wanted to learn dance but was denied by her parents. Nobody could understand her. Her parents were embarrassed with their child. She had no friends since the boys in her class used to bully her calling her ‘girly’ and the girls just laughed at her. But she could do nothing. Academics was the only field where her sex didn’t matter. She excelled in her studies but still couldn’t make her parents happy. Like others they too thought she had a mental disorder. Like others they couldn’t accept her. She was living a life of a female soul but trapped in a male body.
Now it’s about 7 yrs she had not seen her parents. She was disowned by her parents the very day when they came to know that she had thought of ‘Sex reassignment surgery’ which is often casually termed as ‘sex change operations’. The surgery was painful. The emotional stress, the physical pain and the never ending self doubt, Rani had to bear it alone. She had to spent the pathetic nights in the hospital following the surgeries.
Now after all those horrible nights, Rani was living her life on her own terms. Her parents didn’t accept her but she had forgiven them. She knew it’s nobody’s fault but the ignorance. The ignorance of the fact that ‘sex’ and ‘gender’ are not interchangeable. Gender is the way a person feels or sees one self. She knew that this acceptance will take time. This ignorance will takes ages to disappear.
She took her phone out and wrote to Tanmay, ‘You need to know about my past. Can we meet at Sharma’s tomorrow?’
Her phone buzzed after a minute or so. It was Tammy’s reply. She opened the message.
‘I know what you want to say. I know your past. I know you were born with male genitalia. But you know what…I love you as a person. I respect you as the person you have become and your past doesn’t bother me at all. So….Coffee at Sharma’s tomorrow?’
Rani was shook to her core. She looked at the mirror again and smiled and tasted the salty tears. She felt complete. She felt respected. She finally felt accepted.